---

   If you are anything like me, you spent the end of December brainstorming the perfect, “new year, new me” resolutions list. The turning of the calendar feels like the ideal time to flip all our habits around and suddenly live the life we’ve always imagined for ourselves. Fueled by winter break motivation, we come out swinging with goals like “go to the gym more,” “eat less sugar,” or “spend less time on my phone.”

   And then February comes...

   By that point, about 80% of people have already fallen short of their New Year’s resolutions… and I’m usually one of them. That realization used to leave me wondering if something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I stick to anything, even if I knew it would improve my quality of life? Why did change feel so hard? Was I just bad at self-discipline? 

The Problem With “New Year, New Me” 

   The truth is that New Year’s resolutions don’t fail because we’re lazy or incapable of growth. They fail because the way we approach change is deeply flawed. 

   We’re encouraged to make massive, vague promises to ourselves and expected to transform overnight simply because the calendar flipped. Social media and culture reinforce the idea that January 1 is the “right” time to start over, and that falling back into old habits means failure. This all-or-nothing mindset leaves little room for patience, learning or flexibility. It turns growth into a pass-or-fail test instead of an ongoing process. 

   Change itself isn’t the problem. In fact, we know that change is necessary. But resisting change is part of human nature. Our brains are wired for comfort and familiarity. For most of human history, survival depended on routine and risk avoidance–one wrong move could have tragic consequences. On top of that, we are social creatures. We seek approval, belonging and reassurance that we are doing things “right.” When we inevitably fall short, especially publicly, it can feel humiliating. Add in constant highlight reels on social media, and even small setbacks start to feel discouraging, leaving us wondering why we even tried at all.  

One important thing we forget is that change is not an event. It doesn’t happen on January 1, and it certainly doesn’t arrive all at once. Goals can be helpful, but only when based on realistic expectations and a plan that supports growth. 

What Real Change Looked Like for Me 

   I know this because one of the most meaningful changes I’ve ever made didn’t start as a New Year’s resolution at all. 

   Over the past two years, I’ve lost over 70 pounds. I don’t remember a specific day when I decided to commit to it, but I know it wasn’t January 1. It was sometime in July, after my freshman year of college, when I realized I felt physically and mentally miserable and knew something needed to change. Not because I hated myself–but because I finally realized that I deserve better. 

I made myself a meal plan, cut out snacks and sugary drinks and made an effort to stay active. At first, my goals were simple. As time went on, they changed. Some weeks, success meant going to the gym five days a week. Other weeks, it looked like taking a daily walk. What mattered wasn’t consistency in perfection, but consistency in effort. Progress was still progress at the end of the day. 

   Instead of punishing myself for slipping, I adjusted my goals to match what I could realistically do. I stopped seeing myself as a failure for not sticking to a firm routine and started viewing change as flexible and ongoing. I stuck with it because I finally understood that growth could not be rooted in guilt–it required grace and empathy. 

   That mindset shift made all the difference for me. 

How to Build 

Change That Lasts 

   Too often, we set goals without giving ourselves the guidance needed to reach them. Imagine starting a new job where everyone else has been there for years. Instead of training, your boss leaves sticky notes on your desk saying things like “run the finances,” “talk to customers,” and “make sure to do your job,” then expects you to thrive. That wouldn’t be fair, and yet, that’s exactly how many of us treat ourselves when it comes to self-improvement. 

   Real change needs a game plan. Goals should be broken into manageable, bite-sized steps. Small, intentional choices build habits. Habits create momentum. Momentum leads to long-term growth. These plans shouldn’t be rigid. Life changes and setbacks are inevitable. When goals become too concrete, failing to meet them feels like failure instead of feedback. 

   Adjusting your goals doesn’t mean giving up, it means you’re paying attention to yourself. Pivoting is a skill, not a weakness. 

Slipping up does not erase progress already made. Taking a break does not undo growth. Failure only happens when we stop trying altogether. Growth is not linear, and it never has been. Stopping, falling and restarting are all part of the process. 

A Kinder 

Way to Grow 

   New Year’s resolutions are ingrained in our culture. They’re almost a tradition–and so is failing them. We treat the start of the year as our one chance to fix everything we’ve been putting off, as if motivation has an expiration date. But change doesn’t need permission from the calendar. 

   This is your reminder that today is just as good a day as any to start. Free yourself from the pressure of arbitrary January timelines and unrealistic expectations. Imagine the progress that could be made in a month, or a year, if you began with patience instead of perfection. 

   What if noticing where you fall short, and wanting to grow, is already enough? What if progress doesn’t need a deadline? 

   Maybe change doesn’t start with a resolution at all. Maybe it begins with a decision to show up for yourself, one day at a time. 

 

---