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   We have a walk out basement on the west side of our house. The porch on the main floor extends around making shade over the basement patio. For some reason, barn swallows have decided the support beams for the porch are ideal places to build their mud nests and raise babies.

   Barn swallows are pretty little birds that swoop around the yard and eat lots of bugs so a person likes to keep them around. My wife’s objection to them is the amount of droppings deposited on the patio. If left undisturbed, from the time the nest is built until the chicks leave the nest, a pile up to six or eight inches tall will form directly under the nest. Since the downstairs patio is not used very much, a person can ignore it until the babies leave or clean the fresh dropping off each day. This year, my wife was determined to win the battle of the birds. They could go build their nests somewhere else.

   It started with her knocking down the nest every day. It takes a pair of swallows about two days to complete a nest. For about two weeks, she would knock the freshly built nest every day or two. This plan became tiresome, so she decided on a new plan of attack. While at one of those stores that sells all kinds of strange hobby stuff, she found two life-sized metal owl sculptures. They are quite attractive and appear very life-like. We placed them where they would be clearly visible to any incoming barn swallow. They did not seem to mind at all that two owls were watching them build a nest. We then decided to hang them from the floor joists so the swallows would have to dodge them as they flew in. The owls did look intimidating and ready to attack, but apparently not intimidating enough to discourage the determined swallows. Within a couple of days, they were either ignoring the owl sculptures altogether or landing on the owl’s head to take a break. The owls make an attractive addition to the patio but do not serve as a swallow deterrent.

   My wife’s next idea was to get some plastic snakes, hoping the swallows feel the same as she does about them. She hates snakes. Live snakes, dead snakes, and even sticks that look like snakes send her running. I was surprised she would resort to such extreme measures as to buy fake snakes. She put one on the porch railing and another on the joist near where the birds have been attempting to build their latest nest. 

   I have walked around the corner on the porch, saw the railing snake and jumped back with a start. I do not mind being around snakes at all but seeing one when you are not expecting it will startle anyone. With my wife’s phobia, I hope when one of them startles her, she does not have a hoe or hatchet in her hand. She will have the porch destroyed before she remembers that she was the one that put the snake there. In the meantime, the swallows have become accustomed to the snakes and the owls all watching them build. My wife is back to her routine of going down to the patio and knocking down a partially built nest. Eventually, a person would think the little birds would go build somewhere else. What did they do before people built elevated porches with nice floor joists the build their nests. They need to resort to their old ways or hope my wife gets tired or knocking down their nest.

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