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   It seems, every year we have some sort of plague of insects. One year it might be boxelder bugs, another year, Japanese beetles. This year, the invasion is gnats. These cursed little bugs will drive a person crazy. They attempt to fly into a person’s eyes, ears, and mouth. If that is not annoying enough, given the opportunity, they will bite, leaving a small itchy welt. Since the porch is a major extension of our house, I am not going to be chased inside to avoid insect attacks. I fight back.

   Different types of insects require different means to fight back. The best control I have found for the plague of gnats is a bug zapper. My wife bought me one that is shaped like a tennis racquet and has a rechargeable battery. Sweeping it over one’s head into a swarm of gnats fries them in mass. The sound of the annoying little insects being zapped is quite satisfying. If a person holds the zapper over one’s head, the gnats are dumb enough to run into it and commit suicide with no effort required.

   Seeing the success and pleasure I was getting from my personal zapper, my wife bought herself one. We can now both enjoy our morning coffee on the porch, gently swaying an electric tennis racquet over our heads while we listen to the frequent popping of gnats.

   Our son, Damon, was over one morning and noticed the gnat invasion. He had a larger 110-volt bug zapper that he was not using. He offered to let us use it on the porch since we were having the gnat problem. We hung it up near the ceiling around the corner from where we usually sit, plugged it in, and turned it on. Gnats were immediately attracted to it and fried themselves. The day after we put it up, I had to clean it out as it was filling up with thousands of dead gnats. There were also quite a number of June bugs on the floor of the porch. Occasionally a bird would stop by and grab a June bug or a few gnats to snack on.

   One afternoon we noticed a bluebird land on the bug zapper and started pecking through the protective screen to get to the fresh bugs. I thought for sure he would electrocute himself, but for some reason, he did not. He would hang on the front of the bug zapper, eat his fill, and fly off happy and full. Now, each morning, what appears to be the same male bluebird, comes back and eats the freshly fried gnats off the screen.

   One day while cleaning the bug zapper, I decided to brush all the night’s June bugs, moths, and gnats into a pile to see if more birds would come. By noon, the pile was gone. A wide assortment of birds stopped by to help themselves.

   In years past, my wife would buy meal worms for the bluebirds to eat. If a person has very many bluebirds, this can get to be expensive in a hurry. With the bug zapper running, we have an unlimited supply of free bluebird food and we are controlling the problem of the gnats annoying us while we sit on the porch.

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