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   When a person is driving down a back road, occasionally a turkey will be startled from its resting place and make a mad dash toward the field on the opposite side of the fence at the top of the ditch. If the fence is woven wire, the hapless turkey will repeatedly try to fit through the squares in the wire which are much to small to let them pass through. Apparently, I am not the only person that has wondered if a person might be able to catch such a turkey while they are concentrating on getting through a hole that they are not going to fit.

   I know this is not a good idea and is probably illegal so even though the statute of limitations is past, I shall change the names to protect the guilty.

   Pat and Mike were driving down a gravel road several years ago when they saw a large gobbler pop up out of the tall grass and make a dash to the fence bordering the pasture. Being a woven wire fence, he hit it and bounced off and tried again. Both men had the same brilliant idea. Let’s catch him! Pat slammed on the brakes and Mike jumped out of the still moving truck, ran through the ditch, and made a flying tackle on the turkey that was still trying to find a hole in the fence. The turkey was restrained by one of Mike’s arms around its body and the other holding one wing. The pair rolled to the bottom of the ditch with the turkey using its free wing to beat Mike about the head and shoulders while using its legs to claw at his chest and stomach. It was not going well for Mike when Pat, after getting the truck stopped, made a flying leap from the road to the bottom of the ditch on top of Mike and the turkey. The sudden impact of two hundred plus pounds knocked the wind out of Mike, causing him to almost lose his grasp. Pat grabbed the turkey’s legs and Mike was able to regain enough composure to wrap both arms around the turkey, restraining its wings. Getting beaten with wings and scratched by claws had stopped as the three combatants paused briefly. Mike lay on his back gasping for air with a turkeys head about six inches from his face. The only defense the turkey had was his sharp beak and he looked ready to use it to peck out Mike’s eyes. Mike decided this might not have been as good of an idea as they originally thought. He turned his face away and released his hold of the turkey’s wings while attempting to roll to safety. With his wings free, the turkey took full advantage of the opportunity to beat on Pat. It did not take long before Pat also concluded the plan had not been well thought out and released his hold on the turkey’s legs. The turkey promptly flew off leaving his attackers lying in the ditch trying to catch their breath.

   Learning from other’s experiences, we now know that, yes, it is possible to catch a turkey attempting to get through a woven wire fence, and no, it is not a good idea even if it is possible. Even though both guys did have current turkey tags and it was in season, I am fairly certain that hand catching is not a legal means of turkey hunting. Even if legal, the pain and suffering inflicted by the turkey on the hunter would not be worth the effort.

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